Pandora

I know, it's been a year since I last posted. I've let life, a job, a million other things get in the way. But I need to do this for me. And for any other woman who MIGHT read this someday, and be going through this, and think "THAT is what I needed to hear."

I'm not normally a cheesy, "lovey-dovey" person when it comes to my marriage, especially on the Internet. But right now, all I want is my husband. I need him to hold me, and Lane, and remind me that even though this is worse than it was 2 years ago, we have an amazing team of doctors, and a handsome, smart, and hysterically stubborn 2 year old son who has proven that our kids are fighters. Because right now, that's so hard for me to remember.

Of course, he's at work, so he can't. And can't really talk much either. So I'm stuck on a couch, in a house that's quieter than anywhere I've been in the last 2 years, and I have Pandora on just for background noise so I don't crazy and start hearing things.

I love Pandora. My brother got me hooked on it years ago before anyone even talked about it, and I honestly think it's one of the best inventions since Facebook. It never fails that whatever station it happens to be on at any point in time, there will be a song I need to hear. Lately, it's this one:

You and Me
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all other people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

For anyone who wasn't at our wedding, this was my processional. It seems that lately, when I feel like falling apart, this song ALWAYS comes on, and I'm back in that moment. And he's staring at me, and I know that no matter how many ups and downs we may have had, this is us. And we will get through this.